A while back, I sent an email to Dave Slusher about making money in "new media". He asked if he could publish it and a few emails went back and forth, including some extra bits that he wanted to include in his posting about the conversation. I sent a quick message via Twitter that if it was worth saying, it was worth saying in public and he could do whatever he wanted with what I emailed him.
Dave's response to me really hit me when he commented on that stance. See, that quick summary of being open and transparent really is an oversimplification. That Dave called the stance hardcore really made me want to clarify my actual policy and describe it as it actually is for me.
When I was young, I constantly heard my parents and other adults say, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". You probably did too. As I grew up, I developed a more sophisticated understanding of the underlying principle of that statement. Sometimes the "not nice" thing is, in fact, the right thing to say.
However, at its heart, I believe that that old adage points to the importance of being responsible for what you say. That principle has always stuck with me.
Another principle that I integrated pretty deeply is a belief in transparency as a check on integrity. When your words and actions are out there, you think about what you say and do in a different and, I believe, more critical way.
Those principles have always been at the fore of my mind when writing for this site. On every single post, I ask myself a question:
- Is there anyone that I'm nervous about reading what I'm about to write?
I then *assume* that, sitting out there, ready to read it is that very person. And, I write as though I am 100% certain that the person in question *will* read it. When that filter stops me from writing, it's usually a sign that I probably shouldn't be saying it in person to anyone either because it's not worth saying.
The thing is that I actually have a filter that's earlier in the process. That filter is the one that wasn't mentioned in my discussion with Dave.
I look at my writing on this site as well as conversations that I have in person as my way of sharing my experiences, knowledge, opinions, etc. with others. I value the exchange of ideas highly.
However, the absolute first thing I ask myself before even sitting down to write or sharing a story at a gathering is: "Is it mine to share?".
Lots of things that make up portions of my day aren't mine to share. The details of my work for clients belong to them by contract. Most of the things that go on in the lives of my friends and family, despite me often being involved, aren't exclusively mine to share. Sometimes, anonymizing the incident can work to make something mine to share, but often that's not the case.
Incidentally, that whole policy tends to lead one to spend more time focused on ideas and opinions than on people and incidents. It keeps gossip out of your conversation and guards against ad hominem attacks.
That question has actually been the source of a fairly deep online silence the last few weeks. On a normal day or week, there are things that are: mine to share, worth sharing (at least by my measure) and something I want to write about. The more frivolous of those things go out over Twitter. Those things that are a bit more involved go here on this site.
The last few weeks have seen very little make it past both filters. There's a lot of stuff going on and the vast majority of my days lately haven't been mine to share. On several fronts, it looks like that might be changing in the next few weeks. Only time will tell.